Welcome to the world Charlie!

Well... it's been 3 years but I'm back!  I originally started this blog to keep people updated on a big life change:  our move to NYC.  It helped me to share my stories, and ended up being a fun little stress reliever. Well guess what Biggest life change ever:

Welcome to the world sweet Charlie boy! 

So as I am home on maternity leave, I found myself feeling very similar to how I felt when we first moved to NYC- excited, scared, and pretty overwhelmed.  Seemed like a good idea to start this bad boy back up.  Share my journey into motherhood.  Not a journey like most yahoos tell you about.  This will be my honest, and hopefully humorous take on the most important thing I'll ever do- becoming a mother.  

Today we will start at the beginning-  The hospital.  Timmy and I decided to induce a week early.  We were told to show up to the hospital at 8:00 on Friday the 9th, and they would start the process to have our sweet baby boy on Saturday morning.  Nope.  We were told that the on call doctor wouldn't allow them to start until 6:00 the next morning.  "It's ok" they said.  "Just get a good night's sleep." Haha... good one.  Have you ever slept in a hospital? No that's right... no one has.  It's not like you can get comfortable with an IV, a blood pressure cuff going off every 5 minutes, 2 monitors wrapped around your huge pregnant belly, and alarms going off every 30 minutes.  Oh yeah and the best part "you can't eat until after you have the baby, but do you want a popsicle?"  Cool, cool.  Sure, sure.  that's what every pregnant woman wants to hear- no food.  Oh wait but here is a sugar free popsicle tease.  Oh wow, refreshing!  This will surely hold me over for the next 24 hours.  Grrrr.

Had some contractions over night and then they started getting closer in the morning.  I thought to myself "wow, I must be pretty tough.  I can totally handle this.  People exaggerate. I probably wont even need an epidural!"  Then my water broke.  I'm sorry... what is happening to my body?  Something must be wrong.  No way people do this crap every day!  After a while... "excuse me can I have my epidural now?"  At least that's how I thought I said it in my head.   Timmy decided to take a picture, judge for yourself:

In my defense, that face was aimed at Timmy for taking the picture, not the staff.  I was in so much pain.  So they gave me the epidural and I just had to wait for it to kick in... 

Thirty minutes go by... can't feel my feet

Another 10... can't feel below mid thigh

Another 5 ... can't feel my ears. Wait what? We kinda skipped some parts. I'm really not worried about my ears hurting during this process. "Excuse me nurse... is that supposed to happen?" Meanwhile worse and worse contractions. Long story short... had to get a second epidural after 2 hours!!!!! Never felt pain like that before in my life. After it started working the nurse told me "yeah your face was getting kinda crazy." No kidding. 

Anyway, a few hours later, our sweet boy arrived. It was love at first sight for sure. I've never seen something so beautiful (and kinda gross) in my life. My heart was full! 

Now let's fast forward to home life with a newborn. I say home life because I never leave my home. Charlie and I spend our days walking and crying and singing and walking and crying and dancing and walking and crying. He hates when you sit down. It's so fun. He also has colic. Poor baby. I spend a good portion of my day trying to get his gas out. Never thought I would cry tears of joy when I hear a fart :) But... here we are. Colic has taken a toll on us. While he sleeps ok occasionally we are often up with him ever 45 min to an hour. We are very tired. We cherish these moments... 

But thanks to colic they often quickly turn into this...

Thankfully, this kid has a pretty happy disposition and when we are getting to see more and more personality. I love this face with ever cell in my body. 

He loves music and we make up songs about everything in our day. We have a theme song, a bath time song,  and he has a few favorites including "a dream is a wish your heart makes" and his ultimate favorite "chicken fried." The kid's got good taste. It's like magic. I should really tweet Zac Brown... 

I do worry that he is going to be thoroughly disappointed that the world is not a musical. Because in our house, it is. I worry this will be him: https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/high-school-musical-4/n12490?snl=1

I am quickly learning of the terror that comes with being a new mom.  Everything is a death trap.  A simple walk around the block, HA! Death at every turn.  Here is my thought process while on a walk:

1. Is it cold?  Better bundle up.  Oh wait, it's too hot now... better go home.
2. Forecast said no wind but I swear to God that was a hurricane force breeze.  I bet there is a kid with the flu up wind from us.  He's going to get sick. Better go home.
3. I just saw a mosquito!  No zika on my watch.  Better go home.
4. OMG the sun has been shining on the same spot of his sweet baby hand for 10 minutes.  It's going to burn.  Better go home.
5. There's the freaking wind again!  Carrying nothing but mosquitos and illness.  I'm out!

So I bring a full diaper bag, 3 blankets of varying weight, a bug net, and 2 pacifiers... just in case.  This is how my mind works every second of the day.  Don't even get me started on swaddle struggles. I. JUST. CAN'T.

As I said, I love this kid more than life itself. Honestly though, it's really hard. I cherish the moments when family and friends come by to link me to the outside world. I miss sitting down to eat a hot meal. I miss sleep. I miss TV. I miss sleep. I miss cooking. I miss sleep. I miss peeing without a baby in my arms. I miss sleep. I miss restaurants. I miss sleep.  I miss being able to call people on the phone. I miss sleep.  I miss leaving the house. I. MISS. SLEEP.  Of course it is all worth it, but I struggle each day a little bit.  Some more than others, but a little bit each day.  I think all moms do.  You can't really understand how strong moms are until you are living it and realize that most moms never complain.  It makes me appreciate all of the strong moms in my life.  God bless them.  Hug your mom right now or at least call her and tell her thank you.  

I have taken a lot of comfort in these ladies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5TbKOTZcWY&t=3s

As well as the current Big Bang Theories that show how new parents feel.  It's great to know that I'm not the only one who is going through it.  

Timmy has been amazing.  The dad that I always knew he would be.  Charlie looks at him like he hangs the moon. 

Every night I go to bed with a full heart, racing thoughts, and pure fear about the pending night hours.  It's definitely a new time in my life and I couldn't be more excited... or scared! 

Thanks for reading!  I'll post again soon :)